I have been planning my family’s epic road trip to LA for over a week and, during that time, I have been learning that, in order to become the person I am becoming, I must choose to be the person I am becoming more times a day.
Out of sheer habit, I frequently express myself as disempowered, stressed out and confused. Force to be reckoned with? Who me?
But in order to pull this thing together – harness two unruly children, coordinate weeks of travel plans and gatherings at which I will do readings for clients old and new, and budget from money I don’t even have yet – I’ve needed to express some entirely different qualities: intuition, courage, faith, and a deep sense of inner authority that my guidance is correct and that my work matters. More times a day.
There have been many spiritual teachers and leaders I have admired over the years. But I was only exposed to them at a point in their lives when they were already known. Because they came into my awareness so far along in their own journeys, I unthinkingly assumed that they were born that way – their mantles of authority already intact.
Instead, I’ve learned that claiming such a mantle for myself requires that I mindfully practice letting my inner light shine – especially in the presence of contesting inner voices that demand I am unworthy, incompetent, undeserving, ignorant or just plain off-track.
In writing this blog, I walk a fine line between providing wisdom and revealing my own struggles walking a path dedicated to being a vehicle for spirit in the world. And yet, these things can be one and the same. Sometimes the wisdom comes from the struggle itself.
My epic road trip is not yet a success, but what I’ve learned in the planning has already been worthwhile. I couldn’t plan this trip if I was disempowered, stressed out and confused. So instead I have to be something else.
And it turns out the something else I’ve had to be is exactly who I’ve wanted to become: a person who believes in the value of my work and the value of the guidance I encourage others to follow every day.