I had a baby. But instead of the bliss and possibility I’d been promised, I found a darkness I’d never imagined. Post-partum depression left me confused, angry and unable to imagine a positive future. I tried to keep it all together, but the word “overwhelmed” doesn’t begin to express the devastation and loss I felt. Then I hit rock-bottom…and a wise teacher recommended I reconnect with my intuition. I started reading cards, first for myself and then for others, and slowly began rebuilding my perspective and my life…
In the beginning, every reading pointed to grief and loss, the very things I’d been trying to overcme. But over time, and with the help of a caring therapist, I discovered that feeling grief and loss didn’t mean they would take over my life forever. Indeed, the opposite was true. Allowing for those dark emotions – surrendering to them but not wallowing in them – allowed them to pass. And joy entered my life again.
When we feel overwhelmed, we assume that fixing the problem, answering the question, and eliminating the obstacle will make us feel better. But the truth is that “feeling better” starts from just “feeling.” And while we may think we’re “feeling” while we stress out, complain and tell our stories, the truth is that really “feeling” requires an environment of safety and acceptance not easily accessible in everyday life.
Very often people cry when I read their cards. I cry! A reading provides that environment – whether it’s for 15 minutes or an hour – where you can feel, be present and let things be. It’s an opportunity for admitting what’s really going on and letting your own intuitions emerge. Sometimes, it turns out, there is something to do. But just as often, it turns out that things aren’t as confusing as they seem and the overwhelm seems to fix itself.
Readings are not for everyone. Sitting with me requires an open mind, a commitment to growth and at least a consideration that there’s something bigger and more important than you – whether you call it your higher power, god, spirit, the universe or the tao. Because, aside from developing my intuition, the cards have taught me that there are things outside our control and our knowledge, and that, rather than that being something to overcome, the unknowable can be a source of wonder, joy and even healing.